just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
