Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
