It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
