The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
