I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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