Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
