wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
