so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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