Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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