i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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