Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
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I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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