At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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