remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
