i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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