he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
