I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
