Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize