I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
