Screwed.edu
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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