i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
