every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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