First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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