At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
