OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
