someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
