shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
