just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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