You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
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An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
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I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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