I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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