I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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