sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
