Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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