I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
