he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
