I smell stomach acid.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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