remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
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i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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