haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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