matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
