quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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