don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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