Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
