I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Success! We fucked roommates!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that Iām good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
