at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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