my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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