I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
