you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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