i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
