my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
