saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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