Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I supernannyed him into submission
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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