and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
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i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
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Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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