it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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