Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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