i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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