Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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