Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
