Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
