If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
