My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
