Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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