So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
