This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
